(high energy rock music) (chugging) (glass breaking) (clanking) (high energy rock music) (liquid pouring) – [Bartender] What’ll it be? – Anything that’ll help a man forget. – A man, you say? (laughs loudly) (electric sparks) – Easy partner, didn’t mean to offend. – This one’s on the house. (slurps) – Pace yourself, little fella. – If you’d have seen half the (bleep) that I’ve seen on the
beat every day, cowboy, you’d be knocking them back too. – How bad can it possibly
be for a Pokémon? – Awe, did little baby Pikachu faint? (laughing) – I didn’t faint when I walked in on a perp skull (beeping) a Cubone or when I found a Mr. Mime
buried alive up in Lavender town. – Geez, pal, We’re just messing around. – (slurps) I worked this
sting a few years back. Underground Ditto trade. Some psychos were
incinerating those poor blobs. (Ditto wails) Selling the ashes as
a goddamn aphrodisiac. I remember this one Ditto, couldn’t have been older than a level six, she hasn’t left her
Pokéball since the rescue. – Okay, okay, stop! Jesus, man! – We once found a
Farfetch’d dumped to hell by a herd of illegally imported Rhydon. By the time we found him, all that was left was blood and feathers. And this, a souvenir to remind you how fragile this life is. (high energy rock music) – I.D.? (young gorilla screeches) (footsteps approaching) (young gorilla yelps) (knuckles cracking) (young gorilla gulps) (bubble popping) (zipper unfastening) (young gorilla screeches) (door shuts) (suspenseful music) (young gorilla screams) (high energy rock music) (glass clinks) – (Bartender) Put her on your tab, snake. (Kirby babbles) – Time and time again, I’ve proven I don’t need Mario. If anything he needs me, Luigi. Let’s not forget that time
he disappeared in the 90’s and I had to find his sorry ass. – (grumbles) At least
you have your own game. You, Wario, Yoshi, Donkey Kong. Everyone gets their own
games except me, Waluigi. – But the internet loves Waluigi. The only thing they want from old Luigi is to make him suffer through
another haunted house. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in ten years because of the severe PTSD. – What do we have to do to have the good life
handed to us like Mario? – Sell out and gain 50 pounds? (Laughs loudly) (cheerful music tones scaling) – You don’t have it so bad, you know? – I am a lanky, awkward, career sidekick who was replaced by a magic talking hat. – (slurps) Aaagh. That is nothing. Despite the people clamoring for me, my rightful place in Super Smash Bros. was taken by a fucking house plant. – There’s still hope for DLC. – Well, I guess Ridley,
King K. Rool, and I will just have to wait for our time. Wait, they aren’t? Oh, come the fuck on! (bar pounding) (Waluigi wails) – Hey, good lookin’, how about buying a lady a drink? (gasps) I thought you were Captain Falcon. Hard Pass. (Waluigi wails) (high energy rock music)