– Wow, look at that gross pimple. I’m just gonna do the
whole ride like this. What up, everyone? It’s your girl Superwoman. (sparkly music) (horse neighing and galloping) (wooshing) What up, everyone? It’s your girl, Superwoman. ♪ Go shorty, it’s your birthday ♪ ♪ We gonna party like it’s your birthday ♪ Birthdays. Some people love ’em,
some people hate ’em, but we all got ’em. If you don’t, yo, that’s
straight up some X File ish. ♪ Do do do dee doo ♪ Remember that show? Am I dating myself? Honestly I’m honored to date myself. I’m a goddamn catch. What’s this video about? Types of people on their birthday. Pay attention. My dog’s just looking at me like, “What the F are you doing?” Mama making you some coin, boy. Thank you. (laughing) Number one, the Birthday Weekend Warrior. Stop humping my leg. Stop, stop. Stop. Fine, whatever. Now these are the most
common types of birthdayers. Birthdayees? Birthdayettes. Mmm, baguettes. These people rage all weekend long and expect you to do the same. Okay girls, listen up. At 11:00 a.m., we have my
birthday rooftop brunch, and then at 1:00 p.m., we have birthday facials and massages, which is perfect because
we’ll be relaxed enough for 5:00 p.m., which is my birthday skydive. Rachel, you have to jump this time. We’ll top it all off with
a quick flight to Vegas, which brings me to tomorrow
for my birthday dinner, my birthday seance, and my
surprise birthday party. Got it? Great. Get your credit cards ready. And, break. Oh yeah, okay, I’ll just
sell my car and quit my job to celebrate your birthday. What, are you dumb? Are you dumb? Honestly I’ve had periods
that last less time than you’re birthday celebration. And I have a heavy flow. Yeah, I can tell this is gonna be one of those videos where I act crazy. Get it together. Number two, the Birthday Month Monster. And straight up, these
people were definitely neglected as children, because they just crave attention and
celebrate their birthday for an entire month. And don’t be confused,
it’s a party for one. It’s not even like their
friends are going up and like, “Yo, yo, yo, it’s your
birthday coming up.” No, no, no. It’s just them reminding
everyone in their path that once upon a time, they were born. Somebody give this person a cookie for such a unique achievement. I will take the veggie
burger with Brussels sprouts. Actually, you know what, make it fries. You know, what the hell, make it a large. It’s my birthday month. I’m sorry officer, I
know the light was red, but to be fair, it is
my birthday month, so. Babe, can you massage my
feet, it’s my birthday month. It’s called a birthday, not a birth month. If you celebrate half of
your birthday in the fall and the other half in winter, you need to calm the F down. Number three, shh, the Silent Birthday. Now even though I just spent
the past couple minutes complaining about people that celebrate their birthday too
much, it’s also annoying when you come across someone
who doesn’t mention it at all. Like homie, one out of
a bazillion spermies swam and hit the jackpot. At least have a cupcake about it. Don’t just sit there and let us treat you like a normal, non-birthday peasant. You need to make these things clear, okay, so I can yell at you tomorrow, like a considerate human being. It’s your fault I’m rude. (clattering) I texted you this
morning, you didn’t reply. – I’m sorry, I must have missed it. – Yeah, well I needed a ride to work. – Well, I’ll give you a ride tomorrow. – Oh, okay, well a ride
tomorrow doesn’t help me today, now does it? – Okay. – And honestly, I didn’t
wanna say anything, but today’s the day, F it. You’re a bad friend. – I’m sorry, I’ll try to be better. – Whatever. – Yo, man. Happy birthday. – Thanks, dude. – Yo, J.K., happy birthday, bro, you see how I got you, there. I knew it was June 2nd, come on. – It’s March. – What? – This month is March. – Aight. Number four, the Half-Way Birthday. You ever hear someone
say some dumb crap like, – Pst, there’s only six
more months til my birthday. – Okay. Should I give you half a
hug and give half a damn? Six months is a long time. I mean like anything could
happen in six months. I don’t know what you bragging about. Like you could die. I’m just saying. Or hear someone say something like, “Oh yeah, I’m 22 and a half.” I can’t be friends with someone who voluntarily does fractions. What the F? We’re doing halves now? It just makes no bloody sense, okay? It’s either your birthday or it’s not. Number five, the Baeday Celebration. Ah ha! Now this is the person
that just, you know what, F it, self explanatory,
just go to the skit. So somebody’s birthday’s coming up. What are you gonna do? – I’m going to dinner with Macy. – Okay, well what about the night before. – Macy and I are going to the movies. – Okay, what about the weekend. – Visiting Macy’s parents. – Okay, well, maybe I’ll
just visit your work. – Sure. – Cool, where do you work? – Macy’s. – Cute. Hi, hello, other people exist and would like to celebrate
your existence, too. And to be honest, if you
don’t have a birthday party, my Insta stories gonna
be looking hella dry. How else am I supposed to take that video with music playing and us looking all hot just looking into the camera like… What, you think that just
happens on a regular day that’s not someone’s birthday? Hell no. Like I know you want that
birthday sex, birthday sex, but I feel like there’s
nine other birthday songs you’re completely forgetting about. Not to mention, I like cake. I want cake. Cake, cake, cake, wait, wait. What that song also about sex? No, cake? Is cake sex now? Is everything just sex? Cake? Cake? Is it cake, is cake sex? Is cake sex? (banging) (sparkly music)
(popping) Yo, did you like this video? Well let me know by giving me a thumb’s up and sharing this video with someone who has a birthday coming up and be like, this you by the way. Last video right over there,
second vlog channel there, make sure you subscribe
because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday
and I want you to be there. One love, Superwoman. That is a wrap. And zoop. Stop humping my leg. Actually it’s aight.
(laughing)