I, uh-I’m very excited in general next month I am celebrating my one-year wedding anniversary [cheers, applause] Which, uh-I haven’t talked to my wife in about eight hours actually, which is at this point a little bit longer than I’d like to leave her alone with her thoughts Cause we’re still starting out so my plan is basically just every morning I wake up and convince her once again this is a really good idea [Audience laughter] and we can’t return our wedding gifts so hopefully it all works out. I love being married though, it’s great. It’s like dating with consequences. It’s uh… It’s a lot of fun and people ask me like “Why did you get married? Why’d propose to your wife?” And there are a lot of reasons definitely. But really chief among them is that my wife is smarter than I am and if you can date somebody smarter I highly recommend doing that. It is It’s a fantastic way to go just surround yourself with smart people in general if you can. I know dumb people are fun I’m not gonna deny that. And if you’re dumb thank you. It’s really entertaining for everybody else but but if you swap out your dumb friends for smart friends it’s a lot less funny but you’re gonna cut way down on the number of text messages you get at 2:00 in the morning, I guarantee you that. nobody asks for $200 that you can’t ask about or anything that’s gone so… And if you can date somebody smarter than you, I highly recommend doing that as a matter of fact if you’re dating somebody here tonight uhh, one of you IS smarter than the other That’s just a fact. No two people get together that are the exact same level of intelligence. One person is going to be smart-As a matter of fact clap if you think you’re the smart person in your relationship [Audience cheers and applauds] [Cheers and claps] boy, was that a mixed bag thats uhh like there were a handful of people out there that were like “Nope the smart person doesn’t clap right here, I know that this is a trap” That was so interesting to watch yet I saw some couples where both people were clapp- “Oh, all right” “no, we’re not done talking about this actually” “we’re gonna talk about this on the way home, as a matter of fact” Also saw some couples where people were definitely together and neither person was clapping which is cute cuz that can mean one of two things There’s option a which could be like “Hey I’m not clapping because I think that you’re smart-” “oh you’re not clapping because you think that I’m smart? Well that’s just-” “Do you want to get some gelato on the way home because this is… Do you want to adopt a puppy? we’re wonderful” that’s possible that could exist as option A, but you have to admit could also be option B. Which is like “Hey I’m not clapping because i think you’re oh…” and you’re not clapping cuz you think oh…” alright… Are we dumb? I didn’t know that. That’s not good. No, I don’t remember where we parked the car, actually. Date smarter if you possibly can and i say smart and not clever cuz there’s a big difference between smart people and clever people there are a couple of people nodding out there who’ve dated clever people before then i’m sorry and right now if you’re sitting there and You’re like i’m not sure if the person i’m with is smart or clever well they’re clever that’s how that’s how they work but it’s just a totally different thing between dating smart and clever people and it really comes out when you get into any sort of argument like if i get in an argument with my wife who’s smarter than me it usually plays out just kind of like hey you know What sweetie i think i’m right and then she’ll say no actually I think I’m right. And i’ll be like fine you tell me why you think you’re right and then she’ll list a bunch of facts And i’ll say bwuh- And that’s it and it’s It’s over it’s really quick but there’s a lot of time left in the evening to get more things wrong which is very helpful but, clever people it’s a totally different thing it’s a totally different way of arguing because clever people don’t use facts they just bring up times that you’ve been wrong in the past to completely invalidate your argument. Somebody had experience with this before? it’s like trying, to date a negative political attack ad against you You go you know what I’m saying? So when you come out and you’re like hey sweetheart i’m gonna go hang out with guys tonight watch the game i’m pretty sure i told you about this last week. Then she comes back with [Announcer voice] oh really? drew barth says that he’s pretty sure he mentioned last week he was going out with the guys tonight But isn’t this also the same drew barth that was pretty sure the movie started at 8:15 last night We know how that one turned out. And isn’t this the same drew Barth that was pretty sure he ordered more flea medicine for the cats online wrong again are we really going to trust a man who doesn’t even know what drawer the big spoons go in? Don’t This thursday vote no on drew going out and having a good time with his friends ’cause drew barth wrong on big spoons wrong on everything Subscribe to dry bar comedy for even more of the world’s largest collection of clean comedy