(light music) – Another boring day at Rachel’s Place when oh snap, The Dragons. Thugs on a mission to
make teens spill fries led by a young man rocking a chain like a beauty pageant sash. Dragon Deluxe requests a
table because all this shoving and chain wearing has
the team hungry as heck. Eddie tells them to get out before they make this show interesting. – And what if we don’t? – Then I’ll have to get… tough! – Very convincing, Ed. Laura says geeeet out. But now the dragon
leader isn’t just hungry, he’s thirsty too. His name is “Chain” like Sting, Madonna, or future Beyonce. Laura throws up a sass force field. But Chain is into the sass. He invites her to a movie,
but when she says no, he goes in for a very sad chin squeeze. Denied. Chain doubles down on that chin squeeze. Very sad. Urkel is done playing. He prepares for an ass
beating, more specifically, his. But because Chain doesn’t
need a murder charge, he has Venti Dragon hang Urkel on Chicago’s strongest coat stand. And Rachel wants to know
what the hell is going on. Chain, mistaking this
diner for a dating app, swipes right on another hottie,
even if she’s a little old. – Old? – Oh no you did not. Rachel says hit the
road with that old shit. Eddie has her back, and Laura. – And so does my friend Waldo! – Waldo is not trying to die today. Chain says they’re being rude. And when you’re rude to
customers, bad stuff happens. Whoopsie daisy. Rachel threatens to call the police, the rudest shit you can do, and Chain calls for some synchronized whoopsie daisy-ing. Enter Carl, Carl says geeeeeeeet out! Go read Lord Of The Rings
or watch kung fu movies or whatever the hell made
you name your dumb gang after mythical winged creatures. Laura and Rachel are telling
everyone the uneventful story. Richie’s demonstrating how he
would’ve put his size three velcroes up some dragon butt. Ring ring, return of the snap. The Dragons fucked
Rachel’s Place uuuup, boy. Whoopsie Daisy city. And these nerds had the audacity to leave a doodle on the wall. Rachel demands Carl arrest
these doodlin’ dorks. Carl says he’s gonna, but
they’ll be back on the streets in five minutes when
their friends come forward with rock solid alibis that
they were watching subs not dubs anime at Terry’s house. – So these hoodlums can
do whatever they want and get away with it? – Well I wouldn’t go that far. – I would. – Uh, was Eddie standing outside the door, waiting for just the right moment? What a drama queen. The Dragons fucked
Eddie’s face uuuuup, boy. He says eight of them
jumped him after his date with an imaginary woman. Then slapped him around, like a car in a Street
Fighter bonus level. Carl is mad, how mad? Stool throwin’ mad! He wants street justice, but Urkel says they’re going to scream police brutality and he’ll lose his job as a cop. Simpler times. Steve says he knows a better way. He’ll wear a wire and go
undercover to record a podcast. Carl and Detective Whiteman
will be his first subscribers. The Dragons are debating
whether to rob a movie theater or a bowling alley, because
these criminal masterminds have the vision of bored nine year olds. Urkel bursts in to
their basement hang zone slash stolen TV and keyboard depot. He says it’s their lucky day! He wants in on that gang bang lifestyle. And he’s not the nerd they
remember from eight hours ago. He’s crazy! How crazy? Spilling Cheetos everywhere crazy! The guy in the mesh blouse is shook. Meanwhile, in the mobile podcast studio, Carl and his Copcausian accidentally handcuff themselves together, who cares? Urkel eyes the dragon tag
and begins his snitchcast. – Did you do that great
dragon at Rachel’s place? – Yeah, did you see that? – Busted. – Oh and kudos to you
on the great job you did on smashing up the place. – (laughs) Well, thank you. – Busted. – Were you together when
you beat up the Winslow kid? – Yeah, it was a team effort. – You talk too much, get up! – My how the busted tables have turned. Chain knows something is up. He used deductive reasoning to conclude one of the two Urkels
he met today is a phony. And he’s inclined to say it’s
this leather clad caricature asking questions about crimes. Why? Because he’s wired. Urkel snitches on himself, he is wired. Come get ’em Carl! Uh, Carl? Ehhh, big guy? And right when they’re
about to cut off his dick and feed it to his ears,
Carl and Sergeant Mayonnaise save the day. Hiding their handcuffed hands with a very funny walk, wow who cares. And the fam toasts Urkel,
because now the Dragons will be playing DnD in
prison for cigarettes. So what did we learn today? If a gang comes in to your
restaurant for cheeseburgers, maybe just give them cheeseburgers. Because when you’re rude to customers, whoopsie daisies happen. And the ruder you are, the
bigger the whoopsie daisy. And don’t talk tough to
gangs because they will smack your shit into next Wednesday. And don’t confess your many gang crimes to any bozo who walks through the door. And if you’re undercover
looking like fifth place in a George Michael lookalike contest, do not snitch on yourself. Because the cavalry might
wait one second too long and you will get your dick cut off. And NEVER call someone
named Aunt Rachel old, or she will call the cops. See you next time on
A Very Special Episode.