>>Russell Peters: My daughter is pretty smart. I uh– I’m impressed by her. She’s only two, and she’s already speaking Spanish and English. Which is impressive, to me. I wanted her to learn Spanish, first, because, first of all, she’s half Latina, and we live in California, so, you know, I want her to, at least know the language of California. [Laughter] Spanish is a very helpful language, in California, I mean, you go to a restaurant– you want your car back, from valet– you want to know, like, what to say, you know mean, so– [Laughter] So, you know what I did? I told my ex-wife’s family, there from Ecuador, I said, “Do me a favor. Please only speak to the baby, in Spanish.” They were like, [Spanish accent] “No problem!” “Hey! Do ju want us, to teach her English, too?” [Laughter] [Normal voice] “Naaah! I got this!” The last thing I want, is my daughter being born, in America, and sounding like, an immigrant, you know? [Spanish accent] “Dad, are ju coming over?” [Laughter] [Normal voice] “No, sweetheart, no Jews are coming over.” [Laughter] “Not, unless, my agent calls.” [Laughter] And when you do have kids, trust me on this one, buy your children– buy your babies– buy them educational toys. Best thing, you could do. ‘Cause they start learning, really young. I bought my daughter this toy, and you push the color, and it says the color. You push it, and it’ll be like– You push yellow, and it’ll be like, ♪ Yelloooow ♪ Greeeen ♪ Bluuuue ♪ ♪ But the cool thing, in America, is all the educational toys, have a switch, from English, to Spanish. I flipped all her toys, to Spanish. Now I’m learning Spanish, too. [Laughter] Hmmmm? [Laughter continues] Who’s thinking? I am. Now, when she pushes it, it goes, ♪ Amarilloooo ♪ Verdeeee ♪ Azuuuul ♪ ♪ Now, I know how to say, yellow, green, and blue, in Spanish. But only, like an opera singer. [Laughter] Let me tell you, where this backfired, on me. A few weeks ago, I was in LA. I needed some yellow paint. I went to Home Depot, and uh– I walked in, and there was a Mexican guy working, INSIDE! [Laughter] INSIDE Home Depot! [Laughter continues] So, that’s progress. [Laughter] Thank you, Mr. Obama. [Laughter continues] And uh– I knew he was Mexican. First of all, it’s LA. Secondly, his back was facing me, he was 5’4″, had a giant head– [Laughter] There’s no neck! It looked like, a Rock’em Sock’em Robot, that hadn’t been punched in the stomach yet. [Laughter] He turned around, his name was Juan, you know what I mean? Juan, and he had the little Mexico flag, right there. And, when I see people, and I can tell what their comfort language is, I always like to try, and greet them, in that language– For two reasons: So, that way, first, they think I speak their bullshit, and that way, they won’t try to rip me off. Secondly, you know, I just– it– it makes them feel comfortable, right away. And when I do say something, in your language, I try to say the best way I can, so you really believe, I speak your language. But the minute you reply, I get all fucked up, because I’ve run out of words. [Laughter] So, I see him, and I go, [In spanish] “¡Hola, Juan! ¿Cómo estamos, hoy?” He’s like, [In spanish] “¡Hola!” [Mimicking Very Fast Spanish] [Tune of “The Mexican Hat Dance”] [Laughter] and I’m like, “Alrighty then, listen, uhm–” [Laughter] I make it look like, we need to go back to English, you know, because you’re at work, and we need to keep it professional! [Laughter] So, I go, “I need some paint.” He goes, [In Spanish] “Sí– ¿Que color?” I go, “Yellow.” [In Spanish] “Sí, mira.” And he holds up, gray, and white, and shades of gray, and shades of white, and I’m like, “No, no, no– Yellow.” [In Spanish] “Sí, mira. Hielo.” [Normal voice] “No, Juan, that’s gray, and white, and shades of gray, and shades of white.” [Spanish accent] “No, ju say, ‘hielo.’ Mira, hielo, hielo.” [Normal voice] “No, that’s not, “yellow yellow.” That’s fucking gray, and white, Juan.” [In Spanish] “¡Hielo! ¡Mira, hielo!” [Spanish accent] “Ice – Ice” [Normal voice] “I don’t care what your favorite song is, right now. I just–” [Laughter] “I just want yellow paint.” [In Spanish] “¡Sí, mira! ¡Hielo! Ice! Ice!” I didn’t know, that “yellow,” meant, “ice,” in Spanish! I didn’t know that. That’s not on the toy! [Laughter] So, I get in this big argument, with the guy. I’m like, “No, not fucking ice, Juan, yellow!” [In Spanish] “¡Sí, mira! ¡Hielo!” [Normal voice] “Stop saying, ‘mira, yellow,’ this is not yellow! [In Spanish] “¡Mira, hielo! Ice!” [Normal voice] “Stop saying, ‘yellow ice!’ I don’t want yellow ice! That’s disgusting, first of all–” [Laughter] “I just want yellow!” [In Spanish] “¡Mira, hielo!” [Normal voice] “Stop saying, ‘mira, yellow!’ YELLOW! YELLOW! [In spanish] “¡NO SE! ¡NO SE!” [Normal voice] “STOP FUCKIN– WHAT DO YOU SAY, THEN?!” [Laughter] [In spanish] “¡NO SE!” [Laughter continues] I’m like, “Ugh!” [Low laughter] [No audio] ♪ Amarilloooooo ♪ ♪ [Laughter] Turns out, he had the same toy, at home! [Laughter] He goes, [Spanish accent] “OH! Ju mean,” ♪ Yelloooooow ♪ ♪ [Laughter and Applause] ♪ ♪