-All right! All right! All right. All right. We’re having a good time.
Okay. I just got a new TV recently, and I wanted to get
rid of the old one, but I didn’t want to
throw it away, so I decided I would take it
to Goodwill, right? And I showed up at Goodwill
with this old TV, and the Goodwill guy
was like, “Nah.” [ Light laughter ] He said, “We don’t take TVs
like that anymore.” But they did take it. Later that night
when they were closed. [ Laughter ]
Know what I mean? I’m not getting rejected
from Goodwill is what I’m telling you. [ Laughter ] I didn’t get my receipt,
though, so I won’t be able to claim that
on my taxes. So that’ll be a tough year.
[ Laughter ] You ever do that?
You drop off a bag of clothes at Goodwill and they’re like,
“You want a receipt for that?” I’m like,
“Nah, I don’t want proof I ever owned these clothes.” [ Laughter ] It’s like,
“You see what I’m wearing. Imagine what I’m giving away
for free.” You know what I mean?
All right. Okay. [ Applause ] Thank you. Thank you. Hi, hi. Thank you. I like to wave like this.
I do this a lot. I like to wave like this
at the end of a joke. Just let you know
that joke’s over. [ Laughter ] Okay. All right. Okay.
All right. I like to get picture frames
at Goodwill. Sometimes you get a good deal
on a frame in there. And sometimes you can
get pictures of other people’s family
in there. I don’t know
how that happens. People are like,
“Well, I’m done with this frame and this family.” [ Laughter ]
Yeah. [ Applause ] “Yeah, they mean a lot to me,
but not enough to bend a staple in the back.” [ Laughter ] “Just don’t have
that kind of time.” [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. All right. Okay. [ Applause ] I got this hat at Goodwill. This hat changes me. A lot of people don’t know
that it changes me, ’cause you haven’t seen me
without it on, right? But if I take this hat off,
you’re like, “Oh, man, I bet that guy likes rock music
right there.” If I put this hat on,
you’re like, “Nah, he’s got
a rock collection.” [ Laughter ] Know what I mean?
Okay. All right. We’re having a good time.
Okay. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. If I take this hat off,
you’re like, “Man, that guy looks like
the lead singer from the rock band Korn.”
[ Laughter ] If I put this hat on, you’re
like, “Nah, he grows corn.” [ Laughter ]
You know what I mean? Okay. All right. If I take this hat off,
you’re like, “Man, I bet that guy
smokes weed right there.” Mm-hmm.
And I put this hat on, you’re like, “Nah, that guy
definitely smokes weed.” [ Laughter ] You know what I mean? [ Applause ] This hat can’t change
everything. You know, it’s not a magic hat. How many people thought my hair
was attached to this hat? [ Laughter ]
You know what I mean? Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] A lot of people think that. A lot of times, people tell me
I look like Forrest Gump after he ran for a long time.
[ Laughter ] You know what I mean?
Okay. All right. I went to someone’s house
the other day and they asked me to take
my shoes off before I came inside. And I hate that, you know? Show up at somebody’s house,
they’re like, “Hey, come on in. You mind taking off your shoes?” I’m like,
“Nah, I’ll just go home.” [ Laughter ] You know what I mean? That’s right.
That’s right. That’s right.
That’s right. I went to this flea market
the other day, and I love a good flea market. And I was in there, and
this lady had this great deal on DVDs, right? She had three DVDs for $5. And that’s a great deal. So I was like, “I’m going to go
ahead and get six of these, that way I can get six for $10.”
You know? Three for $5 two times,
right? [ Laughter ] Pretty easy, right? This lady couldn’t understand
her own deal, right? [ Laughter ] I went up to her,
I was like, “Hey, I’d like to get
these DVDs.” She goes,
“How many you got there?” I said six. She said, “You know it’s three
for $5, right?” I was like,
“Yeah, six for $10.” She goes, “Well, I guess.” [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. I was like,
“Nah, this is your deal. This is just three for $5
two times, right?” So I figure it’s settled,
right? I figure now I’m getting it
for 10 bucks, right? Then I hear her back there
doing math. [ Laughter ] She’s going…
[ Imitates whispering ] She closes her eyes.
[ Imitates whispering ] She goes,
“All right, that will be $15.” I was like, “Listen,
I’m not even trying “to bargain with you right now. This is your deal.”
[ Laughter ] “This is just three for $5
two times. “You want,
I’ll buy these three, and then I’ll
take off this hat…” [ Laughter, applause ] All right.
Hey, thank you very much. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Oh, my God! Oh, that’s what I’m talking… Dusty — Dusty Slay! [ Cheering ] For more, check out
dustyslay.com.