PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW Today, we are doing something a little different Today we are playing… Not one game, But three games! If that doesn’t prove that I’m a gamer, I don’t know what does. Three games… In V.R. baby! Let’s frickin’ go! So the first game, is a Sonic Simulator. Ok uhhhh… what do I need to do? “Type your actual height” Ok, so… Five hund- 3 metres Nine metres Okay I’m 1.8, I don’t care what anyone says [The jazziest of music] Here we go. Here we go. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOOOOO MY GODDD WOOOOOO I’M SONIC BABY This is a dream (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ *music keeps playing* WOAHHH!!! F A S T E R R U N N I N G FASTERRRRRRR Ok we gotta jump now HUP *more lit music* JUMP GOD- *lit music ends* Ok, I think it comes to a moment when you realise I’m gonna throw up if I play any more… SO LET’S PLAY MORE SPIN!!! I’m not playing this… no way… NO… WAY… I am NOT playing this game This is a barfing simulator (-﹏-。) Oh god I’m getting old [old sigh] *lit music makes brief appearence* Ok, I’ve played this game before But I rEAllY, ReAlLy, rEaLlY, ReaLLy wanna play it again It’s called Drunken Bar Fight Simulator And I am ready to make -ah- action with the -eh- -eh people Ah ok “please stand up straight and pull trigger” Oh you’re gonna get the taste of the Swedish Meatballs™ Ohh a game where you walk normally Character: I can’t stand it that my wife complains that she always sees me as a woman. Excuse me…. What??【・_・?】 Ohh you’re a beauty-
OH! I DIDN’T MEAN TO PUNCH YOU! OH PLEASE! Charactor: You want a shot? Here’s a shot!!
Felix: PLEASEEE! Don’t hurt me! Aarghjlk!! *rip felix* AHHHHHHHHHHHH What the- what the hell *count down begins in background – 10, 9* GET UP *8* GET *7* UP *6* *5, 4* Oh yeah *3* you gotta pull yourself up *2* Pull yourself up man *count down stops, cue dramatic music* Youuu made a dangerous enemy Hey, please… PLEASE DON’T HURT MAEEE STOP. PLEASE. PLEASE DON’T HURT MAEEEEE BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM OHH DAMN I GOT THE POWER! BOOM (x4) YEAH! You wish you would never fight ME UHHHHH now let’s get those goddamn knees Ah god damnit [rabid dog sounds] Don’t get up. Don’t get up, you will regret this Don’t get up you son of a gun You ever got a brofist here??? Oh you’re s- OH GOD EW EW EW EW EW EW Slap your knees… slap your knees. *moanS, grunts* YEAH!! YEAH! YEah yeah. uh uh uh! Where are you going?? huh? where are you going? come back here 🙁 Come back here Stop right there, criminal scum What happened?? Character: Welcome to my bar. It’s the worst in the city Oh yeah you can get drunk in this game Character: I’m a motivational speaker against alcoholism Felix: Smell this. Character: So I teach by making an example so I get the point across. SMELL THIS. Ya like that? 😉 Ya like this? ;))) Now kiss it ( ˘ ³˘)♥ AWW ye ye ye you like that Awww look at this… awww wuuuu AHH AHH see just tell me if I should stop Character: Live life like Marky Mark, I always say *yeet* Ohhh! Limbo! You wanna limbo? *nearly breaks neck* You wanna limbo? *BOING* P-haha what is this? Charactor: You can’t judge me for being a drunk… *BOING* … when it’s part of my job How’s your hairline going there, buddy? *drinking sound* *punch* Character 1: AHHH, this is- (inaudible) Character 2: OWWW, you can’t hit me there! Character 2: How C R U E L Guys, please D: (overlapping speech) Please… *Super Saiyan Pewds* *continuous knee attacks and shouts of agony* Random Guy: wAt dID YOUU dRiNk? T E Q U I L L A? This is how we fight in Sweden! (shouts of agony) UNDEFEATABLE *more shouts of agony* YEAHHHHHH WA- *ded* NOO! Get up Get up, goddammit Not like this… Not like this! I’m back I’m back! Character: YOU GOT TO FIGHT ME! *oof* Goddammit, he got me from behind *count down starts: 10, 9* Get up *8* GeT uP gEdDaMmEt *7, 6* Get UUPPPPP *5, 4* UP! *3* I’m up! *2* I’M UP! *1!* I’M UP!!! Fu- *in-game cheering* Not fair Woah! The physics are so crazy! Character: I hate my ex-wife; Always telling me I drank at parties- P: Hey buddy, you wanna hang? *boof* I like how tha- that doesn’t bother him at all EH HA Here you go, now you have hair; you’re welcome! *chime* IS THAT A FRICKIN’ MACE? THERE’S A MACE?! That’s aMAZing! You want some tips? (WE GOT EM!) *swishing sounds* Or you’ll regret… …making me very angry *breaks mace* *cue dramatic sad music* DAMMIT! Come back here! I messed up! Come back mace, pleaseeee! Don’t goooo! I love youuuu! *dramatic sad music stops* Ok, let’s be gentle… *o shit* OH JESUS! OH MY GOD Sorry guys! NO ONE LEAVES COMPLETELY (in-game rioting) Stop it Stop it! (in-game rioting) Please come help us! come near me and no one gets hurt NO my shield! *finally the noise stops* DAMMIT! I was so close! Woah! Well I went out like hero style Damn, I’m really good Alright, let’s go for the nipple *boof* OHHHHHHHHHH Pewds: HUH Character: AHHH Pewds: AH- *laughs* Pewds: HUH OHHHH MY GOD! I’M SORRY! (x2) UGH! PLEASE, I’M SORRY! UGH- nooooo *laughs* Ohoho god, look at him *sad music* I felt sick for hours yesterday I dunno why I can’t play- Sometimes I play, like no problem, And then, sometimes… I play a little bit and I just wanna die… But hopefully, that won’t happen again *ding* Ok, let’s go up here Yeah, let’s go to the roof, guys! So, I didn’t know you could do this, I dunno if it’s a new thing, but, We have a whole new roos- Hello! Ok, Felix Just act cool and you’ll blend right in OH MY GODDDDDD That’s how Mafia WORKS!!! *laughs* dammit! THAT’S how mafia works! DAMMIT! Ok, ok, ok (chuckles) Here we go Excuse me, sir Character: OHHHHHH P: Hey… Stay- stay away Character: I’M GOING TO THROW
YOUR ASS OFF THIS ROOF THIS IS HOW MAFIA WORKKKS!!! *ded* WOAH! *random sounds* Woah! No! *chuckles* (pewds is dying) NOOOO! NOO Look at his face! Hey, what are you doing?! THIS IS HOW MAFIA WORKS- BIIITCH — OHH- *explosion* OHH! *laughs* Stay away (x3) STAY AWAYYY! STAY AWAYYY! Goddamn, they’re CRAZY- I’m trying to light a firework DON’T MAKE ME DO IT!!! AHHH Gotta light another one Shame on you! *applause* Pewds: *shouts unintelligibly* OHHHHH… *intense music* *lights firework* Say hello to my little friend- (Pulls out meatscepter) WAHHHH!!! *laughs like Mario* Why are the fireworks the best? Stay away, sir! Oh God WOOOOOHOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOO OOOOHHHH (x4) OHHHWOAWOWA NOOOO! What the heck- Excuse me, sir I belie- oh Charater: I hAvE a GoOd dIvOrCe lAwYeR LiNeD uP iF aLl oF tHis fAllS through- Pewds: Please listen to me Marzia- Don’t marry him… You’re supposed to marry ME! Please! *sad music* Oh! What is happening? What is happening?! *bell* *rioting* YOU WANNA FIGHT? (screeches) STAY AWAYYYYY! STAY AWAY! (x2) UGH! *explosion* OHHHH I’ll do it again! Character: Aaowwww! Pewds: AHHH! *punches guy* I’ll never fight a woman Oh- Sorry I’m so sorry *breaks glass* Oh my god, there’s stuff here, dude! This changes everything! *crab king battle cry* Boop JEEEEEESUS CHRIST! *yeets people with fireworks* Sorry! Come here Come here I love you… I love you so much… Come here (x2) Gimme a hug (x2) Please hug me I love you I love you, man I love you man, we’re friends Right? *grunting T_T* *YEEEEET* *thanks Brad* *deadly knee attack* Here it is… Yorur ass is mine, boi *laughs evilly* Bye!!! You! Dammit- if the helicopter comes… …apparently it’s over ‘I HaVe a gOOd divOrCe layWer LinEd uP iF aLL OF tHiS- YEEEET Aw, hell yeah! I love this song! *moans* *moans* Ah… Ugh.. *bottles clink* *chugs like a boss* AWWWHHH *bottles clink again* Another one! *chugs once again* *bottles clink* Another one, please *screaming while drinking* *b o t t l e c l i n k* What are you looking at? How dare you… …talk back to an elderly man like this HUH?! How could you! *rioting* Ohh…. OHH…. Oh, little did you know… I GO FOR KNEES and NOTHING ELSE! *Swedish battle cry* I will die fighting for what I believe in!!! AH! I GO FOR EVERYONE’S FRICKIN’ KNEES!- No! NOOOOOOOO! Damn, I feel sexy Goddamn, I FEEL GOOD But I’m also… Old… So oldddd Excuse meee I just need to go home and shit myselfffff Excuse meeeeee- *character has seizure; Felix enters Super Saiyan mode* *smack* AHHHHHH Stay down! Stayyy downnnn! How could youuuuu- (Felix lied to us.. T^T) Alright… I’ll return next time stronger than ever! Smash Like, subscribe, And buy- mer- I don’t even know…(it’s the 90 mil merch) Bye guys! WHAT? Tuber Simulator is becoming relevant! *lit 8-bit version of b*tch lasagna* No! Nooo, don’t leave! No, please! Sponsor Eagle, please do something! Yes! Yes!!! *laughs* Ahhh… This game is still relevant goddammit! *denanaaa denena na naaaaaaaa*