THANK YOU FOR CALLING “S.S.T.
TOWING”, HOW MAY I HELP YOU ? I JUST PICKED UP MY
’92ACCORDFROM YOUR LOT, AND THERE IS A HUGE TURD
IN THE BACKSEAT ! AND THERE’S WH– THERE’S
WHAT IN THE BACKSEAT ? A turd, a piece
of ( bleep ). A big-ass human turd in
the backseat of my car. MA’AM, I ASSURE YOU, OUR GUYS
DID NOT TAKE A DUMP IN YOUR CAR. IF YOU WANT TO,
BRING THAT CAR BACK, AND WE’LL TAKE
A LOOK AT IT. OH, YOU WANNA TAKE
A LOOK AT IT ? MY CAR IS FINE, IT’S THAT
BIG-ASS TURD IN THE BACKSEAT. OKAY, WHAT WOULD
YOU LIKE ME TO DO ? Okay, how about I go to
your house and pinch a loaf on your couch,
how about that ? MA’AM, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO DO TO FIX THE SITUATION ? I WANT SOMEBODY TO
COME OVER HERE, GET THIS TURD
OUT MY BACKSEAT– THAT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. What do you mean it’s
not gonna happen ? YOU CAN BRING THE CAR HERE
AND WE COULD TAKE A LOOK AT IT. I am, I’m gonna
bring it back there. You know what
I’m gonna do ? I’M GONNA TAKE A DUMP IN
EVERY LAST CAR YOU GOT THERE. I’m gonna pee
on your counter. I’M GONNA DO IT ALL. TO SHOW YOU
HOW IT FEELS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ? YOU SOUND LIKE A BIG, BURLY MAN,
IT PROBABLY CAME OUT YOUR ASS. OH, YEAH, I DON’T MAKE
IT A HABIT OF GOING OUT AND TAKING A DUMP
IN THE CARS. HOW MUCH DO
YOU WEIGH ? Uhh… about 400 pounds. THAT’S YOUR TURD. That’s my turd, huh ? THAT CAME FROM
A 400-POUND MAN, HUH ? YES, THIS IS A 400-POUND MAN,
EITHER THAT OR A GORILLA. I’m driving this car right
to my lawyer’s office, AND I’M GONNA LET
THE WHOLE WORLD SEE. YOU GONNA BE ON THE NEWS
THIS EVENING, BUDDY. I’M GONNA GET
SEVEN ON MY SIDE. WATCH, YOU’RE GONNA
BE ON THE NEWS. Can you describe
the piece of ( bleep ) ? I mean, what does
it look like ? YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS,
IT CAME OUT YOUR ASS ! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU, WHAT
KINDA, ASKING ME WHAT COLOR. I TELL YOU WHAT,
IT SMELLS UNGODLY. THAT’S WHAT IT
SMELLS LIKE. IT SMELLS LIKE YOU SOLD
YOUR ASS TO THE DEVIL. That came from
the pits of hell. WELL, HOW BIG IS IT,
HOW LONG IS IT ? It’s about as
long as my arm. ( laughing ) I DON’T THINK IT’S FUNNY,
WHY Y’ALL– THIS IS NOT FUNNY. I GOT A DAMN TWO-BY-FOUR
IN MY BACKSEAT. YOU KNOW, I THINK THERE’S
SOME RACIAL ( bleep ), TOO. THAT’S WHAT THIS IS. Uh-huh. LITTLE KIDS ARE
RUNNING AWAY FROM IT. ( laughing ) I’M GLAD Y’ALL
FIND THIS FUNNY. Okay. YOU’RE PROBABLY JACKING OFF
ON THE STEERING WHEELS, TOO, DON’T YOU ? ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. HOW LONG DOES IT LOOK LIKE
IT’S BEEN SITTING IN THERE ? STEAM IS COMING
OFF OF IT, OKAY ? STEAM IS COMING
OFF OF IT ? Yes. IT COULDN’T BE THERE
THAT LONG THEN, HUH ? I AM TAKING–
IT’S A FRESH TURD ! Okay, what you
need to do… IS YOU NEED TO BRING THAT TURD
BACK, AND WE’LL MATCH IT UP. WE GOT A LINE-UP. WE’LL MATCH IT UP WITH
THE OTHER TURDS THAT WE HAVE. WELL, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS
LEARN HOW TO USE A TOILET. SO YOU’RE NOT GONNA BRING
THE TURD BACK TO ME ? NO. I’M STARTING
TO LIKE IT. You’re gonna keep
it as a pet ? I’M GONNA KEEP IT, ‘CAUSE IT’S
A NICE LITTLE– YOU KNOW WHAT ? IT’S A NICE
CONVERSATION PIECE. OKAY, COOL. OKAY ? Thanks, ma’am. THANK YOU, BUBBA.