oh that’s Abigail from my class I never talked to her but I should go say hi to her if I just sit with her I can start conversation I can get to know her needs to be something meaningful I do today maybe should be someone I can feel connected to she might understand my frustrations and struggles of life along with my joy and happiness maybe she’s going through some stuff I’m going through in my life we can relate to each other maybe she likes the indie band that I love that nobody knows will be meant to be for each other now what do I do you I need to go talk to her is there a conversation be bold ask her out on a date or something isn’t that what Friday evening is for if she says yes yes that’s great if no I can move on how simple is that life is simple but I’m making it too complicated but I can’t I can’t I’m too afraid of rejection in people’s eyes I am too afraid of being confident being me why do I care so much I’m gonna die anyways even the prettiest girl on the earth cannot escape her death we’d all look the same at the end stinky compost but what’s the point of this I mean it’s just all romantic projections right nothing is real it’s just a bunch of ideas and ideas the more I think about it the more I’ll get depressed and just stop thinking about it I need to live it don’t try so hard to find meaning but I need to let the meaning soak in my life let it pass before Ivan you realize [Music] life is short I need to make the most out of it maybe my hesitation of approaching Abigail comes from my hypocrisy I say go talk to her to get to know someone but the truth is that I want to talk to her because she’s a pretty girl but I still want to talk to her if she’s a nine year old ugly homeless woman probably yeah out of sympathy ugly girls deserve our attention to Island cure so much around them I can be myself around an old ugly homeless woman that’s it I should go out with an nine year old ugly homeless woman Laura expectation and not be happier isn’t a connection a sense of belonging what we all long for yeah I need to become a Christian start going to church again sitting next to a nine year old ugly homeless woman we’d have same values in the world views in life wouldn’t it be wonderful no more existential crisis I can be in peace knowing that there’s someone who truly understand my pain and suffering then why not just get a Barbie from Amazon should do the same I feel so lonely I need to change conform to society be one of them throw away my pineapple shorts and Crocs get a plastic surgery chop off my beer belly spray boys cologne on me I can be a good-looking dude I can actually become a Korean all the girls in the cafeteria I would want to talk to me I don’t have to fish a fish should hop on my plate I’ll be happier I don’t have to be myself sometimes I want to be someone else what’s wrong with being someone else don’t we do that all the time change your mask depends on the mood how you feel whom we talk to you after all that’s all being ourselves and after all we all just fakers but I can’t let that stop me from being genuine real loving and confident I still need to change I still need to try I still need to make an effort to be loving and creative in my fake world I still need to look for beauty in dis ugliness I still need to go talk to her tell her I feel not too much or not too fabricated just enough to grab her attention just enough to sound interesting Peter J fucking Cho I can every dream of do the thing [Music]