Alright, I don’t know about any of you But.. trying to get some food
from my friend’s house when I was a kid Was the most impossible thing to do! Everybody’s parents were so frugal
with what food and drinks they have in their house It would be dinner time and your friend’s dad
would come over and be like, “Alright, look. I have to feed you,
okay? It’s a law! Okay?” “But I don’t have to feed your
little butthole friend over there, FUCK THAT!” “Money’s tight around here” “Maybe if he chips in five bucks,
he can have some of this Little Caesars Pizza” And that’s just how things were You’d be over your buddy’s house,
playing some toy guns *BANG-BANG-BANG* *TRRRRTTTT-TRRRRRTTTTT-TTTRRRRTTTT* And it would be like, the hottest
goddamn day of the year! You’d be standing there like,
“God damn it’s hot out here, Michael!” “Look at you, you’re sweating through your
Scottie Pippen jersey, for Christ’s sake!” “Why don’t you go inside your house
and get us a couple of cans of coke” “Before die of a heatstroke out here” “But that’s my dad’s coke” “Oh, I’m sorry, Michael,
I wasn’t aware you are a punk bitch!” “Get your dumb ass in there
and get us some pop!” So he prances his punk ass in the house And I’m over there, watching through the window
(THROUGH THE WAAAAAALLL!11) And not even five seconds later..
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” “Oh, I was just gonna get
some coke for us outside” “Oh, so we’re feeding
the whole damn neighbourhood now, are we?!” “What? No, I was just gonna..” “No, apparently, we’re feeding
the whole fuckin’ neighbourhood!” “It’s not even real coke, it’s RC Cola!” “I don’t give a shit what it is!” “I didn’t know I worked
46 hours a week at Home Depot..” “.. to feed his fat fucking face out there!” “But Dad, he’s my friend!” “I don’t give a shit
if he’s Woody goddamn Harrelson!” “He’s not getting any of my damn coke!” And I’m still out there,
about to keel over at any minute I’m giving them the puppy dog eyes I’m looking like Oliver Twist and shit “Please Sir, I’d like some more..” And his dad’s just looking at me like,
“I dont give a shit!” “Die! Go ahead and die
right in my front yard, I could give two shits!” “Well, Michael, I don’t see
you giving him any of your stuff” “Here, why don’t we give him your Sega Genesis?” “You don’t want that, right?” *Glass shatters* *From inside*
“SINCE WE’RE FEEDING THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD NOW!” “And then we can give him some beer!” “He can have my shirt!”
*cloth tearing* “Hey, you wanna fuck my wife,
while you’re at it?!” “Huh?! Do ya?! Do ya, you little shit?!” *Door opens* “Uuhhhmmm..” “You wanna drink out of the hose?” “Yeah, I guess I’ll drink
out of the goddamn hose, Mike! Thanks a lot!”