So this one day Me and my friends were driving around As we normally do In the Blyatmobile Looking for the new shashlik place That opened very recently Until I get this message From fan Saying: Boris, Stay cheeki breeki Please come try our beer And also We serve pork rinds in pork fat Okay you had me at “beer” We turn car around, start driving Pick up some gas station semechki And keep going Slovakia here we come blyat Next stop: Poland But before we even arrive in Poland We run into a bit of a pizdec Somewhere in the mid-f*ck you of Lithuania Apparently some kind of urod Dropped his construction materials Right on the highway Tire blow up, okay we get it fixed Stock up on more semechki And keep moving again So after some more many hours of driving We arrive in kiełbasa country Pick up a few of them And some mayonez Have a light snack on the way And keep on moving If you want to see full Polish country review Go check out on my channel So after many more hours of Somewhat aimless driving We end up at the Slovakian border Which did not exist So we kept on driving Until we ran out of gas And oy where did we arrive A small city of Poprad Population 55 000 Situated right next to the Tatra mountains Not to be confused with tantra mountains That is something completely different We checked into hotel Enjoyed some of its many luxuries And went for a drink After my fifth beer I started to realise There is something up with these.. After my seventh beer I woke up and realised There is a fireplace next to me Next thing I remember, I am in hotel elevator Arrive in bar and ask for drink They say I am drunk And hand me some American liqueur Diluted with Coca-Cola I say no no no. Vodka for me Sadly my request was denied And I went to hotel room instead Where I found some Tatratea Which tasted like normal tea at the time But now I try it, it tastes like motor oil Trust me, I have tried Oy blyat What the.. BLYAT So next thing I know I woke up in Ski lift With a board attached to my legs Apparently Tatratea works as a Teleportation device To the Tatra mountains Great if you like snowboarding and such Not so great if you’re planning to have hangover I get off ski lift Think about what I am doing with my life And then come down the mountain Same time I get call from friends They said: Boris you crazy cyka You drank 10 glasses of hardest beer they have Okay that explains the headache Okay after some minutes I finally get down the mountain called Lomnica As I found out later on And then start checking around Why do you serve everything with Bread and horseradish? I mean it’s good, blyat But.. Illegal horseradish trading is not allowed And then we left Bought some Pečeňovka from store And some beer with some Questionable beauty standards I mean look at those glasses They should be overflowing by now We were happy to find that the beer Although cheap Was pretty good taste And to our confusion The percentage on the bottle Does not mean alcohol content As it does everywhere f*cking else in world But no for them essentially This percentage shows the bitterness Of the product 10% being pretty okay And anything over 12% I would might as well call it “The Bad Break-up” We also very quickly walked past What some importers must assume Is actual Absinthe Do not buy this This is mouthwash with colouring Also what the blyat is Kofola? The name says “coffee” The content and taste says Help there is too many herbs here Please let me escape So okay we left that.. Strange confusing place Just to be greeted by Kebab! And more kebab In the McBurger Seriously this place is confusing as blin We quickly exit this store And go get some beer Now, finding a place that would Serve us alcohol In the late late hour of the night Was actually very simple You see you go past the balls With the people watching a.. A virgin giving birth You turn right on the ulica Štefanikova 68 And you arrive at this street Now keep moving forward Until you see on the left An unmarked bar Now when you go inside There will be no people there This is to keep tourists away I call this place the 100 POPRADS BAR For only true S.T.A.L.K.E.Rs come here Find your way upstairs and order The Bomba And you get one of these big cykas Just to get you started Next up keep ordering Every possible beer in the menu This way get true Slovak taste in mouth And wash away memory of last night Once I got to drink number five I started to check out menu And immediately I see two things Garlic soup in bread For 2.8€.. Come on! Of course I had to get it And then I see.. Pork scratchings in lard Now this was by far The most tasteful thing In the whole country Although technically speaking It is literally just pork fat Served with horseradish again clearly And mustard Its taste haunted me for days I have to go back.. Since the weather outside was Technically a blizzard We decided to have At least three more drinks And then call it a night Now, on a list of things to do in Slovakia And, I’m sure there are some Visiting the Tatra mountains Especially Jasná Is pretty high up So for this reason I suggest you come when is snow Otherwise Remember to pack a parachute But when you are going up in the lift And the snowstorm is shaking your carriage so hard That you might as well be driving Off-road in a Lada You better make sure that fear of heights Is one thing you left behind Now, going down the mountain is not that difficult Just try to avoid the F*cking everyone on skis! It looks like I was the only debil With a snowboard attached Halfway down the mountain Be sure to admire the scenery And the local food Which mostly consisted of kebabs And some fried cheese I went for good old palacinky Or “blins” in Boris language After a generous amount of Going up and down the mountain I got bored of the.. Boarding And went to seek new thrills elsewhere Boom! Right inside the Tatra mountains There is series of caves That we are going to enter Right now But before we do I have to point out There was a photo and video fee For 10€ piece What the blyat? Which I obviously Did not pay Catch me if you can, kurwas Feel free to bill me [email protected] Good luck After all that time living in a mountain We thought we go find some banyas Or some saunas Instead we are greeted by these Beautiful, natural thermal baths If you ever go to Slovakia You have to visit this place Now these are geothermal water baths Water from 60°C Is cooled down to about 30-35°C Which means these outside pools Are filled with this Ground water, which is Basically very brown So unless you want to get a shock You just.. Visit at night And we did And it was great Well I say thank you, comrade potato For suggesting Slovakia And its beer to us Next time I visit this country, I will remember To visit Bratislava as well But generally do I suggest this place for travel? Of course, why not Beer is cheap.. Umm.. They have pork rinds in pork fat And teleportation juice Otherwise known as Tatratea And at a temperature of -20°C You will definitely need it Stay cheeki breeki, my friends! I will see you next time